We were sitting there, looking at each other. The question in my mind sitting at the forefront. It comes out. “Do you remember?” I say. “Remember what?” she asks. “The night we were sitting on the balcony.” She pauses, looking unbreakingly into my question. “What do you mean? What are you talking about?” she fires back.
I pause as I am hesitant that what occurred was not within her awareness. But I have to try. I have to know. “Ok. Well. I was sitting here. You were sitting there. It was quite peaceful. I look over at you and your eyes are closed, your head is straight forward, yet it was like you were completely at ease, serene looking, with this gentle smile on your face. I see you tilt your chin and head up as if you are feeling and sensing the nature of everything around you. I was amazed at what I saw.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about” she smartly replied. I continue, “Then, all of a sudden you scoot down in your chair in a hiding pose and say “Get down, they can see us.” I see them in the stairwell on the building across from us, so I quickly scoot down as instructed. You then whisper, “Shhh. Be quiet. Wait. Don’t move.” As we sit there silent and invisible, my heart starts to race. I’m wondering why you’re telling me all of this. We sit there for a few minutes watching this couple walk down the stairwell and down the ground level path. You then slowly reach over, quietly open the sliding glass door and say “C’mon, let’s get inside.” You duck in. I follow.”
“What?! David, I looked over and you were sitting there asleep!” she said crossly. “I don’t know what you’re saying, but, this is kinda scaring me. What is going on with you?” she continued. She had that stern stare, that tilted head. Hands on the knees, back straight angled right at me. It told me she’s about done with this conversation. To bolt she is about to do.
“I don’t know. I just wanted to tell you what I experienced.” I hesitantly replied. She’s not getting this, I thought. I should have never brought it up. But, I had to know if she knew or not. She got up and said “I’m going inside.”
Dammit! There’s no way. She’s completely unaware. Slipping between multiple dimensions has its residents, my girlfriend Rachael residing in both, but two separate consciousnesses, two minds unlinked? Why was I experiencing this? Why was I aware within either? Frustrating.
Having “gone” to another dimension and witnessing others that I know there as well, it is a confusing affair to return to the latter to experience a differing consciousness in an identical body. In one dimension a body is one personality, in another dimension, the same body has a different personality. How can that be? I don’t know exactly, but seeing, hearing, feeling, interacting, and experiencing it, it is undeniable.
I go inside. “Do you remember before I left? You were standing on the second floor stairwell with a look of joy on your face. The last thing you said to me was “I love you,” smiling as I got in my car.” I cautiously continued. “No David. I don’t remember that. Listen. I think you better leave.” she sternly replied. It’s futile, the feeling comes over me. She doesn’t know. As I’m looking her in the eyes, I say “Ok.” I walk to the door. “I love you. Goodbye.” are my final words. “Goodbye.” I hear as the door closes behind me.
I walk down the stairwell and pause at the second floor wooden guard rail looking over the parking lot. This is where she stood. The image of her face, her smile, the look of love on her face, the words, they replay in my minds eye. I look down and see myself standing next to my car, driver’s door open, looking up. Was it all a mirage, a dream? How could I dream and then get into my car and experience the rest of the day? I begin to question myself. “Wait! Keep walking.” I say to myself.
As I finish the stairwell, make my way across the resident parking, through adjacent buildings, to the exit gate, I remember this path walked many times before. This is my last trek here I realize. As the pneumatic hinge on the complex gate slowly allows the gate its little click, I sense a chapter closing in my life. This experience. What was it? Who is she? Who is all of her?
Knowing who she is in a multidimensional fashion is a strange undertaking. It is either all new to me or it is all a remembering as a clumsy affair. Nonetheless, it’s just me I realize. I had hoped she would be aware as well. Bravery to consult ending in foolishness perceived is a hard pill to swallow. I’m realizing more and more that my own perceptions of a multidimensional nature is a lonely affair that I must adapt to learning to walk, ironically, alone. Alone amidst multiplicity, multidimensionality, the paradox is like a knot. Which loop am I experiencing?
Zoltan Blue 